Things I Learned in 2015

Gosh, that sounds like a lame title.

I wrote my first post of 2016 at 2:30 am. I started to feel exhaustion creep up yet felt like going for a few more rounds. In the end, the exhaustion won, and I fell asleep to chaotic dreams. I noticed my dreams ran along the usual themes with me either yelling at a group of people not listening to me or passing by mirrors to see my image half obscured compared to other people passing by the same ones. I have a feeling 2016 will unfold the meaning of these dreams beyond the obvious interpretations.

Back to the title.

What did I learn?

I learned the words respect and approval mean two different things. One implies bending and twisting to suit other people’s tastes, the other hard-fought, messy, but worth it. Oh, and the former starts with me.

I learned the grass looks greener, but sometimes you have to stop and see the grass on this side of the fence. Can you water the grass? Can you give it fertilizer? In short try to control what’s within reach. Oh, and remember to see what’s within reach.

I learned the phrase ‘life is short’ starts to feel more real getting closer to fifty. I think 2016 will involve putting a lot of things to rest beginning with the mythical dream of husband and children. Neither will happen the way it did for many people I graduated with from highs school, some of them now grandparents, and I have no idea what this soulmate looks like. I don’t even know if I am a soul mate for someone and, again, life feels too short to worry about what I don’t have in my life.

I learned my parents have a limited time left in their lives. The fact my dad has lived this long feels like a gift. I watched friends say goodbye to their parents too soon, and some still feel the loss of their like it was yesterday not years ago. The loss of a parent seems like a crater in a person’s life if things have not resolved. I feel fortunate for a relationship with two people with the simple goal of seeing their two kids do well in life. I also learned, and my brother taught me this one, we act like our parents only now we consciously pick up on those traits. Right now worry tops the list of characteristics we have picked up and now feel its presence at given times.

I learned it’s time to feel a little braver writing wise. Sometimes a lame title is all you need to get on with what needs to get said or written. I learned it’s time to get on with it. Whatever that is and I have a whole year to start figuring ‘it’ out.