Scattered Thoughts on Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve and I went around my social media feeds to wish people the best of the season, with one Instagram post, also shared on Facebook acknowledging people mourning a loss. This year is a paradox. I sit on the couch seeing a mass broadcast from Immaculate Conception Basilica in Washington, DC, yet I went in knowing one salient truth:

This Christmas will suck.

I took breaks from the grief. My parents had TV and I watched two Iron Man films and Captain America, The First Avenger. Yeah, Richard Armitage had a not bad accent in that one. The second break came from his Christmas message. As much as I would loooooove to see Richard Armitage on stage, something akin to a musician playing an acoustic set, my fingers remain crossed for a live broadcast at my friendly, neighbourhood theatre. I ran out of vacation.

I barely wrote on this blog. I had enough energy to write in my journal, to go with the energy eeked out to get up and go on with life. That’s what grief does, it knocks you down, and now you get up but not the same way you did before.

In the meantime, tomorrow my family will gather and I will eat my weight in chocolate, or half my weight to not make the training for my relay not suck more. I got back into running, to literally put one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow I will remember.

Merry Christmas and all the best in 2020.

4 thoughts on “Scattered Thoughts on Christmas Eve

  1. I wish you and your family peace. I’m at my parents and realize this may be my mom’s last Cmas. The light in her eyes is totally gone. I find running very therapeutic
    Just you and air and space around you. I hope 2020 brings you joy and comfort and your moms memory continues to be a guiding light. I hope you continue to blog! Your words and thoughts really have helped me when I have felt low and worthless. So from one fan of yours thank you ! I’m glad you are here!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations on the running!

    It seems like there’s nothing to be said about grief and yet also thousands and thousands of words to pour over it. I remember that year in my life and how awful it was, and so I hope you and your remaining family were okay and that you enjoyed the chocolate and that as the days begin to lengthen again you continue putting one foot in front of the other. It’s a rough patch and although I know that your love and memories can sustain you, some days you just need to watch a lot of movies.


    Liked by 1 person

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