#MusicMonday: When I Fall In Love By Nat King Cole

I got a lot of advice as a single woman. One woman said it’s better to be single than in a loveless relationship (she was going through a divorce at the time); Another said God needed to make me more patient and keep praying for that right person; More than one person said if you stop looking love will eventually find you. I learned to manage my life and began letting go of the idea of a special someone.

I inhabit an opinion somewhere between hope and pragmatism. Maybe, as my mom always said, I will marry later like her cousin did at 50. Most of the time, I learned to live my life, moving in the shadows as one by one people got into relationships or got married. I used to seethe with jealousy on Valentine’s Day, feeling perhaps something was wrong with me. Now I mull the idea some people never get the chance, and I belong to that group. Once that thought struck me with terror. Now I just shrug.

I tried Match, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, Adventures for Successful Singles, Lavalife, and attended some singles mixers. Not all at once, of course, just off and on to dip my toe in the Winnipeg dating pool. I scrolled through picture after a picture on Match.com of men with Jets gear, Bomber gear, baseball caps turned backwards, and lots of fishing photos. None of the profiles ever said they read a book and their profiles showed the kind of conversation to expect if I ever met to a real-life date. Don’t even ask me about messaging on Plenty of Fish. I had dentist appointments with more interaction. People say picky is bad. I can say picky is good, even excellent trait. Picky has saved me from some potentially bad situations, the little voice that said it’s better to be alone, and have people snark about it than stay with this asshole. 

My last go-round at Match.com taught me to pull the brake on this train and get off. It’s worse doing this than being alone. The amount of time spent not getting messages back, pulling out my phone to see about matches or messages, and the money dedicated to this endeavour all added up to time better spent someplace else.

So why this song?

Ever hear the lyrics?  It’s one of the most realistic love songs around. It’s about being all in or not in at all. It knows what passes for love:

In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it’s begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

In the end, this song provides a buffer between gnashing teeth at Valentine’s Day or knowing it just another day. Everyone knows the hardest relationship a person has involves the person in the mirror.