Writing About Being Single Without the Self Pity

I joined a singles on August.  Rather than try online, or a dating agency, I decided to join for the activities  they offered.  The group, remaining nameless out of respect for the its success stories, offer many dances among the many activities on the calendar.  I finally went to one last weekend.  Now,  I knew finding a boyfriend at my age will prove very hard.  ‘Very hard’ is an underestimate, try next to a miracle if I meet a guy who is funny, attractive, and self-sufficient.  Of course one book in particular would tsk tsk my expectations.

A little while ago, I read a book entitled Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb detailing how a woman’s unreasonable expectations made her single rather than married.  She even offered up her own story as a cautionary tale after choosing to have a child on her own, then discovering dating can be REALLY hard after such an event.  She details her own history and attempts at dating using various methods.  My favourite is the dating coach talking about dating as a ‘numbers game’ and urging her to find a guy way older than herself since men her age have the option to go younger.  While she wrote about her experiences and details the stories of many  other women, I kept waiting for her to question those assumptions.  Ms.  Gottlieb ignored a man’s own expectations and seems to think women act a bit more choosier in the dating department.

I nearly wanted to blow my top off over the idea.  Somewhere the dating book detailing how both genders are equally stupid many never get written.  So, the idea one must feel comfortable with oneself, and don’t look since love will find you, looks like a load of crap.  Men don’t want ‘fat’ women yet the definition varies from guy to guy.  Women claim they want to socialize more, but really they join these singles group to look for a guy.  It’s the reason I joined and I better not bullshit on this one.

Hmm, I can hearing someone thinking, no self-pity but an awful lot of anger.   I have read dating book after dating book, trying some of the tips they suggested.  I will try something with a better than average chance of not working:  Trust myself.  I will trust things will work out even without a boyfriend, I will trust the woman I am with all its quirks, flaws, and great qualities.  (Trust me, it took a really, really long time to get to that point.)  Yes, this singles game is a number’s game and looks like it’s in favour of the guys.  I will play the game by not playing the game.  I will simply go out and have a good time.  It’s all I can do at this point in my life.

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